Wednesday, January 22, 2014

2 Years

When Ella was diagnosed, I fell apart.
No, more than that.
I completely lost. my. shit.
I was so utterly & completely lost.
And I'd say it took me a good month before I could function without crying.
At 3 months I got in a groove, but was still definitely depressed
At 6 months I started to smile and laugh again, having gained confidence with the disease
At 12 months I threw a big old party to celebrate kicking D-bootie.
But something really cool happened between 12 months and 2 years.
Tomorrow is 2 years and I feel like I am me again - a changed me, but me.
The girls and I were listening to the song "For Good" from the Musical "Wicked" and that song reminded me so much of our journey with diabetes:
Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

Don't get me wrong - there are some changes that I would love to be rid of.
I'd love to go back to a time when I could put my daughter to sleep and not worry about her.
I miss sleep.
I'd love to go back to a time where I didn't see a plate of food as one big carb calculation.
I'd love to not see black dots all over Ella's fingertips from finger sticks or rashes all over her skin from infusion sets.
I'd love to never see my daughter almost pass out from a low ever again.
I'd love to un-know Livie's Trial Net Results.
I'd love to stop worrying.
But there are some changes that I never want to go away.
I've met some amazing people because of diabetes.
The immediate bond that forms between two Type 1 Moms is amazing.
Some of these Moms have become my closest friends whose advise and support are something I treasure. I have never laughed or cried so hard. I love you ladies.
We've had some super cool experiences.
Friends for Life in Orlando, Florida helped pull me out of a deep funk.
Diabetes Family Camp is something we look forward to every year.
I got to meet Bret Michaels
Ella loves going to Camp Conrad-Chinnock all by herself
(Clayton and I love the sleep for a whole week!)
Riding on Insulin is something Ella looks forward to all year long.
We participate in Diabetes Art Day and exchange Postcards on World Diabetes Day
We learned that TSA really does care.
Mr. Rogers said his mother responded to scary news by telling him, "Look for the helpers."
Mr. Rogers said his mother responded to scary news by telling him, "Look for the helpers."
Mr. Rogers said his mother responded to scary news by telling him, "Look for the helpers."
Mr. Rogers said his mother responded to scary news by telling him, "Look for the helpers."
"When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, 'Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping." — Mister Rogers
Mr. Rogers said his mother responded to scary news by telling him to "look for the helpers".
If I could go back 2 years in time, I'd tell my pre-diagnosis self to "look for the blessings".
Like finding my girls snuggled up, thanks to a middle-of-the-night blood sugar check:
To 2 Years.


  1. Oh my gosh, Krissy, sitting here with tears in my eyes. What you wrote really hit home. So eloquent and so simple. I am with you. I know I'm far away now, but I cherish our friendship and I don't know what I would do without you guys, too. I love your girls.

  2. What a sweet picture! Happy two years!

    P.S. Are you going to FFL this year?

    1. Exploring the possibility of FFL this year. So...maybe?

  3. OK, you made me bawl my eyes out! You perfectly explained every T1 parent's feelings. You and your family have pulled us through and truly been and inspiration.

  4. CHEERS to 2 years! I could have written this post myself....can you believe we ever came out on top those first few months!!?? Man were my eyes a constant swollen, worried mess!! ((HUGS)) We are at 7 years right now, and I will never forget that first year! We have had great spells without ANY worry or issues, and spells (like now!) that make me want to crawl in bed and hide! One thing is for sure, we have learned SO MUCH from living this Diabetes life, and gained tremendous respect for others, life, health and the D community! Hope you celebrate these 2 years in a fabulous way!

  5. Happy (?) Diaversary!

    I do often think of the diabetes community as well when I hear that song from Wicked.

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  7. It's been one year this month since my daughter was diagnosed. I was thinking of you because you corresponded with me in the very early days. Thank you. I must say I had no idea you were just one year ahead of me.

  8. I can totally relate to your story. I blog everyday about my son Carter's diabetes that he was diagnosed with at 18 months old. Here is his story